Sunday, April 14, 2013

3 Coachella for the Win

I, HOTpanda, will be away till the 25th of April. I will be in the scorching heat of the desert at weekend two of Coachella. Once the music festival is over i will be visiring the San Diego Zoo and the Gaslamp district. Till my return The Chaos Manifesto will be on holidays.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

0 STC Saturdays: Misadventures of a Blood Bowl Commissioner #2

This past week has been a hectic one between the sexual accusations from not one but five of the Bloodwiser Gurls and getting the V-Nuffle league ready for the regular season. My lawyers tell me that those cheersleaders have nothing on me due to them testing clean for not just sexual transmitted diseases but just any ailment due to my Nurgle's Rot. With them handling the soap opera I focused in on V-Nuffle.

With thirteen lucky coaches and teams all vying to be the V-Nuffle champions I need to set out a solid foundation of rules to ensure that the gods if Chaos didn't destroy this league. Countless Commissioners have had their glorious careers cut short due to rioting fans, drug enhancement abuse including Viagra, blood lusting players and general mismanagement. No one said being cheesy would be easy but Kevin Costner did say "if you build it they will come". And come they did; from all walks if life ranging from Orcs, Wood Elves, Undead, Lizardmen, Khemri, Norse, Dwarves (their short stature and little beards creep me out), Chaos and of course Nurgle. Each them begging me to start the season before any league rules were laid out. I maaged with a ton of nurglings to keep my race horses in the starting blocks which allowed me to publish the rules. I am going to share these rules with you just in case you find yourself in a similar chair. Here they are:

01/ 10 game season single round knockout playoffs;

02/ Four Games Maximum/month;

03/ Two Games Minimum/month;

04/ Not allowed to play a team with that has more than a two game difference;

05/ Not allowed to play the same team twice;

06/ Regular season kicks off on April 1st and will end no later than the end of August;

07/ Once all teams have played their 10 games the playoff will begin once the seeding is set;

08/ All players start with stock starting skills;

09/ Your opponents will pick your MVP during the post game;

10/ No illegal procedure calls;

11/ No action playing cards will be used of any kind;

12/ If the game ends in a tie their is no over time in the Regular Season. Playoff/Championship will have an extra 8 round half if the game ends in a tie;

13/ Both players will report their game results via the FaceSmash group; Either they each post or one of the two can just comment/like their opponents post;

14/ The league will be using a points based system as follows: Win = 3pts, Draw = 1 and Loss = 0

15/ Roster updates must be submitted after each game. This is to include new skills, players, payroll and money in the bank;

16/ If the season ends and you have not finished all your games you miss the playoff automatically. This is to prevent someone from not playing their games once they have a solid record behind them. This is there to allow the other players to continue playing/developing their teams;

17/ Teams are permitted to fold after their first three games have been played. If you fold your team your record will be one win less and one loss more than the worst team in the league. You may have to wait to play more games if you are further ahead then the rest of the teams. This is so a proper assessment of the league standing can be done to match where you are. IE: You play your Game 7 and fold your team but there are teams at the Game 5 mark. Once these teams have reached Game 7 your record will then be set to the worst in the league and you may continue; and

18/ Commissioner (that's me) has final say with rule/schedule/dispute problems.
As you can see that is one hell of a rule set but without them I would be without a Blood Bowl league to play in. These rules along with a FaceSmash group will allow me track team records, team values, team progression and player advancements. All very dry, unadulterated and puss free. This my fans is the backbone of any and all Commissioners. In order to make up for these human, I mean boring misadventure post I have hired two announcers to follow my favourite team the Nurglattle PlagueHawks. So stay tuned in to The STC for lots of bone crushing Blood Bowl action with a dash of crabs to keep things interesting.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

1 WIP it Wednesday #40: Blood Bowl for the Blood God

Having gotten my appetite for destruction wet I find my soul craving for more. I simply cannot get enough of Blood Bowl. I have been bathing in the blood of my opponents and the Blood God himself has commanded me to recruit him a team.
This past week after tossing the old grot skin around I was giving a model by one of my opponents. Not any model but rather a rat ogre that had a blood crushers skull for a head. Instantly I the legendary beast of Chaos, the Minotaur, entered my mind. With a proper tough guy in hand I needed to surround him with a team. Looking at my bits and kits I found the remnants of a Chaos Forsaken kit that I could use to supply me with some Chaos Warriors. What could I use for beastmen though. That's an easy one, Bloodletters. And just like that I had recruited Khorne a Blood Bowl team that he could call his own.

Monday, April 8, 2013

0 Model Mondays #13: Nurgattle PlagueHawks

Hailing from the rotten and devoid state of UnWashington, The Nurgattle PlagueHawks were one of thirteen teams to form the V-Nuffle Blood Bowl League. Paying homage to the Father of Decay this Blood Bowl team is Rotten to their core. They run a hard hitting and defensive play book that grinds down their opposition. Relying on their resilient but decaying bodies to hold the line. Prior to kick off of the regular season this team pay tribute to the undead by playing several practice games at various cemeteries around the state. This gathered them a solid fan base that looked to contaminate astonishing large crowds. To help ensure that this happens they have given all recently pass away residents free season passes for their spoiled corpses. Without further ado I would like to present the Nurgattle Plague Hawks starting roster.

Rotters  - #00 Carson Warts and #56 Mussell Wilson
Rotters - #63 Doug Rotwin and #84 Barren Wells
Rotters - #91 Copper Hellfit and #98 Sean McGash
Pestigors - #07 Dick SheMan
Pestigor - #14 OJ Stabson aka "Juice"
Pestigor - #49 Shattered Lice
-missed team pictures...suspected cause or being awol, drug abuse.

Nurgle Warrior - #42 Vyle Knox
Nurgle Warrior - #70 DeShawn Dead aka "Tits"
Beast of Nurgle - #77 Marshawn Flynch aka "The Beast"
That is one disgusting and vile looking bunch. I cannot seem to stop staring at Nurgle Warrior - #42 Vyle Knox aka "Tits". It's like a train wreck. Deep down inside these are my Boyz and they are my team. They are the Nurgattle Plague Hawks. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

0 STC Saturdays: Misadvendtures of a Blood Bowl Commissioner #1

Thirteen Coaches along with thirteen teams are all fighting it out in the inaugural season of the V-NUFFLE Blood Bowl League. I am one of those coaches but somehow someway I am also the Commissioner of this league of misfits. Saying that makes me feel like I am in one of those Hair Club for Men. You know the one I am talking about; "Not only am I the president but I am a client". Weaves and hair-plugs aside I am not even sure how I ended up in this position. First off I have never played the game and second I have never been a commissioner of any sort of league before. Needless to say this is going to be one hell of a misadventure of a Blood Bowl Commissioner.

Taking the opposite page from the Commissioner of the NFL I feel that I may just be able to pull this off if I protect the integrity of the V-NUFFLE and to make sure the game is as violent as possible. Conan the Linebacker said it best when asked "What Is Best In Life?" "To Crush Your Enemies, To See Them Driven Before You, And To Hear The Lamentations Of The Cheerleaders!" In the end the only thing that matters is that it's all fun and games as long as someone loses an eye. Enough with the quotes lets get down to business. What is my business though as the Commissioner?

1/ Manage the League;
2/ Solve rule disputes; and
3/ Provide players with illegal drug enhancements.

The first of these three duties is the largest and biggest time vampire. Getting this league off the ground has been one hell of a task but remarkable an enjoyable one. After finding thirteen coaches that were willing to play I had to get each of them to submit a team roster. This was test of each of their commitment to the league. Low and behold they each met the task with remarkable speed. Yes one of them hired a grot to do the accounting which resulting in his team breaking the one million salary cap but hey this sort of thing is bound to happen when dealing with Orcs, Goblins and the followers of Chaos. From here I have to establish a rule set to keep everyone on the same page. This is where I am currently at.
I have gotten to this point thanks to the popular social group FaceSmash. Without it I would be caught up in a web of emails, deceit and lies. FaceSmash has provided the me with a lounge for where I can let the coaches unwind and commit acts of debauchery with the Bloodwiser Girls. It is tales like this that I hope to bring each and everyone of you over the course of this Blood Bowl season. If these tales turn out be just be actual tails cause by chaotic mutations fear not as I will also be showing casing my Blood Bowl Team. No matter which way the ball wobbles this is going to be one hell of a bloody season.

Friday, April 5, 2013

0 Wip it Wednesday #39: Can you Say Nurgle

With my Blood Bowl League having Kicked off the Regular season I wanted to make the other coaches sploosh when they saw my team. This meant that I needed to stop wasting my time popping boils and get down with my painting brushes. Despite being away on the road last week I manage to get a solid skin tone for my Nurgle infested warriors under my belt. With some actual substance dangling between my legs I dove head first into finishing my team.
Unfortunately for you I did not have the time to photograph the team in all their glory. I did manage some WIP shots of three spare warriors though. As you can see I went with a gravel playing pitch because real men don't play on AstroTurf but rather rocks and broken glass. I will post some player and team photos next Monday for those of you calling foul.
In between the layers of paint and rot I did find some time for my Fallen Nurgle'sAngels Angels project. I have begun to build my Black knights and am about to convert their Twin Linked Bolters over to Twin Linked Plasma Guns. Going to see if I can magnetize these as that would allow me to field them as Chaos Bikers. For those with a keen eye I am also got my grimy little paws on some DArk Angels upgrade sprues. All in all this was a productive hobby week.

Monday, April 1, 2013

0 Monday Musings of a Mantic #8: Electronics

Blogging is dependent on the inclusion of an electronic device. Specifically a computer, whether its a PC, a laptop, or a tablet, you need one of the I order to blog. The instrument of my choosing has been a MacBook for the past 5 years. First I was stealing my wife's. til she had enough and said maybe you should get your own. I got my own alright and have never turned back... Until now.

First mine had a brain homorage which resulted in it not being able to find its' operating instructions. Cool beans is what I thought as I will just go back to using my wife's. For the past month this was working out great till I tried to use it last night. Here's simple will not even turn on.  Perhaps the old battery is just out of juice?  Or maybe gremlins got to it?  Hell perhaps my fingers are cursed and can suck the life out of inatimate objects?  Regardless I am now out for the count when it comes to having a proper device to blog with. I do have an I-touch in which I used to compose this post but its no way to deliver content effectively. First the tiny key board sucks like a twilight vampire.  I cannot schedile post which is a general nucance. And of course my favorite is that I can only place images at the bottom of my posts.

So as you can see my ability to deliver The Chaos Manifesto will be greatly hampered until I can resolve this state of affairs. My apologies to those who actual enjoy this blog...